Intimidated to Inspired — How to Love Comparing Yourself to Amazing People
Disclaimer — ‘Teachers’ teach what they need to learn. I’ve experienced huge shifts in this area, but I’m still addressing my own tortured thoughts here just as much as you, my wise, very attractive reader.
The Man with the Golden Arm, or, How You Can Learn to Love Comparing Yourself to Others, and Feel Confident in Pursing Your Dreams No Matter Who Else is Out There.
A long held dream of mine was recently interrupted by a man with a Golden Arm. A man who is best friends with the Dalai Lama and Tony Robbins, and also has better teeth and a soul-destroyingly large penis. I was all set to make my dream come true, when he viciously attacked me with his Golden Arm.
Okay, his arm is more silvery or even steel. He’s been onstage with those guys, but possibly only met them once. And I have no idea about his penis. I just couldn’t find any reliable information about it! His teeth look pretty great though. Don’t we tend to idealise those bastards who’ve already done something our heart calls us to do? (How dare they?)
And, I guess, he never attacked me. And I was joking about his penis. But when we feel threatened by someone else’s strengths, our primitive survival brain feels like we’re literally under attack. Hence the panicky or anxious feelings about status and competition. It makes our often ridiculously safe lives and choices feel scary. People will use us to make themselves feel smaller, or feel bigger. Either way it’s the same game, and they’re just using their own fantasy version of us to play it. Like I was doing with this Golden Armed fucker who’s probably going to win the Nobel Peace Prize, and all my (future) children will love him more than me. If I even have any children, because he may steal all my mating opportunities.
Let me give you some context — I’m getting ready to launch my course, Life-Changing Speaking Confidence. Or possibly How to Realise You’re Already a Raw Genius Inspirational Speaker So Stop Pretending You’re A Muppet. (Which do you prefer by the way? Do tell me!)
It’s a speaking course for heart-centred people. I know it’s like nothing else out there, I’m all inspire-fired up, writing it. Then I come across Golden Arm, who had a near death experience, and came back as an inspirational speaker. Oh, and his course is being offered by one of the biggest, sexiest personal growth platforms in the world. What a bastard! A few years ago, this would have genuinely dismayed me. I was stuck in competition, scarcity and insecurity all the time (now I’m just stuck in them some of the time!). This time, it just made me laugh. I loved it, the genius of someone impossibly flashy doing ‘the same thing’ I plan to do.
What does it mean? Nothing. It doesn’t mean he’s a better teacher then me, or that his course is better. No one being great at anything means you are not great. Nor does it mean you can’t succeed.
No matter what your passion or dream, there is probably a Californian with better teeth and celebrity friends who has already done something in the same field, and is ridiculously famous and intimidating on paper. So what?
Would you decide not to have children because other people have already had such great ones? Not singing, or writing, or teaching or speaking because others have done great things already is almost as crazy as that.
I believe in every single word of my course, love every single word, smile at every single word. Because it’s the course my heart is called to create. For my people. The ones who want exactly what I want to offer them.
Whatever you feel called to create, no one else can do it. Only you. No one else can offer what you have to offer. This idea is everywhere these days, but do you live by it? Do you own the truth of that? People are waiting for what you want to offer them.
The question of how much we’ll ‘succeed’ with any given offer — how much impact, how much money etc — is the usual bullshit our minds fix on. Ultimately these are meaningless questions in comparison with the only question that matters:
Will you be true to your gifts? Will you honour what wants to be created and expressed through you? Will you serve other people in the only way you can — by offering what you have to give? Will you live the only life you can, your own?
If we keep asking ourselves and answering these questions, and doing what we can as only we can, there’s no way we can fail in the long run. And if we don’t, we could get all the results in the world, and it still will feel empty.
Talk to me: Is there someone you find dismayingly talented or successful at something you do, or desire to do? How do you respond when this comes up for you? What would it take to honour your unique gifts more in all you do? Share in the comments.
P.S The week I quit my PhD for a life in poetry and teaching, I found myself in competition against ballerinas, juggling troupes, Irish dancers and actors. The prize was a thousand euros. I’ll tell you soon how I won and what I learned.
P.P.S You can listen to my new spoken word album, We Are the Ones We’ve Been Waiting For here. You can listen to the whole thing for free, and own it forever for 7 euros. Every penny goes towards me finishing my course.
Originally published at www.speakingrocks.life.
